When will the Madness End?
by tomsbuttsporkle182
Summary: [*Chapter 7 is up!*]please be kind! This is my 1st Zim fic i will update ASAP... so yeah! enjoy..review...please? i'lll review you if you review me! i promise! :o) (formerly never blink 182 times...) most of this is based on a true story! hoowah!
1. Act 1: The Abduction

Never blink 182 times; you might end up with human stink pigs on your hands!  
  
An Invader Zim meets Blink-182 crossover!  
  
A/n: Hello all! This is my 1st crossover and it should be fun! It is also my 1st Invader Zim fic; so if I'm not perfect on portraying Zim…please do not shoot meat lasers at my head. That would be upsetting to me :o( so…with out further a do, I give you 'Never blink 182 times, you might end up with human stink pigs on your hands!  
  
An Invader Zim meets Blink-182 crossover!'  
  
  
  
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Act 1: The Abduction  
  
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Narrator: It is a normal day in Encinitas, California. Tom Delonge just happens to be off  
  
tour and is indulging himself in his favorite pastime; aliens. Mr. Tom is laying on his couch in his living room with his wife Jen. They are watching Invader Zim, Tommie's favorite cartoon.  
  
Jen: (annoyed) Tom how can you like this crap? Its just so retarded!  
  
Tom: (defensive and indignant) Jen, I love aliens and I always will, and there's not a single thing in the world that you can do about it.  
  
(Meanwhile, in the cartoon)  
  
Zim: Think, think, THINK! Must THINK!  
  
GIR: Thinking, thinking, alien abduction.  
  
Zim: That's it GIR! We'll abduct someone, but who? (Zim turns his attention to the outside world to see Tom bickering with his wife. He listens.)  
  
Tom: (thoroughly pissed) Ya know Jen, I don't flip a bitch when you get all hyped up about Johnny Bravo.  
  
Jen: (pouty) Well, at least he's funny, and he's got muscles…meow.  
  
Tom: (hurt) Hey…  
  
Jen: but anyway, this alien shit is all out stupid! You know that retarded little alien is never going to win! That big headed kid out smarts him every time! Not like it's hard to do.  
  
Tom: but, it's still fun to watch…  
  
Jen: Isn't any of this sinking in you big fuck shit? Ugh! (Jen storms off to their room to go and play with herself…Tom is to preoccupied to engage in any board games…I bet you thought I meant something nasty didn't you…DIDN'T YOU!…anyhow back to the story)  
  
(Zim's eyes narrow and a maniacal grin spreads across his face)  
  
Zim: Now is where the fun really starts, GIR. My new invention, the trimolecule converter, will bring these Earth pigs here and we shall let maniacal doom commence on their doom-ed souls! (Evil Laughter)  
  
GIR: meow  
  
(Zim looks at GIR inquisitively, and then commences to point the trimolecule converter in the direction of Tom)  
  
Zim: The moment of truth GIR (Zim pulls the trigger and a ray of light shoots towards the screen)  
  
Tom: Fine Jen, walk away, see if I care…Hey gnarly effects! What the fuck?  
  
(The ray absorbed Tom and as Jen ran into the room to see what the fuss was about, she got sucked in too)  
  
Zim: My business! Is done. (Fit of Laughter)  
  
Jen: Like, Oh my God! This is like so scary! Hold me Tom!  
  
Tom: Why should I? I thought it was a bunch of retarded shit and Zim would never succeed because of the bigheaded kid. Whose name by the way is Dib.  
  
Jen: But…  
  
Zim: Silence human pig scum! I am your master, obey me. OBEY ME! (Laughter) please?  
  
Jen: No! (She pulled out a gun)  
  
Tom: Jen, this just shows how much you know…you can't kill a cartoon with something from the outside world, duh.  
  
Zim: And anyway, that thing is garbage, it is a joke of engineering and that helmet won't protect your brain from lasers.  
  
Jen: I'm not wearing a helmet…  
  
Zim: Then what is that disturbing growth atop your puny brain?  
  
Jen: (sadly and insulted) that's my hair…  
  
Tom: (laughs so hard he falls on his ass)  
  
Jen: Tom you're not helping!  
  
Tom: It was still just so funny! (More laughter)  
  
Zim: GIR! Retrieve my laser!  
  
GIR: yes my lord!  
  
(2 minutes later)  
  
GIR: hello!  
  
Zim: where is my laser GIR?  
  
GIR: I couldn't find it…  
  
Zim: Couldn't find it? COULDN'T FIND IT? What is this? Some kind of joke?  
  
GIR: no…  
  
Zim: GIR, you upset me…I'll hafta use this instead…(pulls a giant ray gun from his backpack) Prepare to be subjugated! (Zim pulls the trigger and a laser shoots Jen right in the fore head)  
  
Tom: Jen! You little bitch! You're dead!  
  
GIR: Woo! Do that again…!  
  
Tom: I second that!  
  
GIR: (walks up to Tom and hugs his leg) I-I love you.  
  
Tom: awww, I love you too. (he smiles)  
  
Zim: GIR! Get down from there right now!  
  
GIR: Must obey taco man!  
  
Tom: Yeah…I'm the taco man!  
  
Zim: Great jumping chili beans!  
  
Tom: What?  
  
Zim: 2 more unsuspecting stink pigs (laughter)  
  
Tom: You can say that again.  
  
Zim: 2 more unsuspecting stink pigs! (laughter)  
  
Tom: I didn't mean that literally.  
  
GIR: TACOOOOOOS!!  
  
(meanwhile, at tom's house)  
  
Mark: Hey hot pants where are you?  
  
Travis: Hey look at that!  
  
Mark: What?  
  
Travis: the tv!  
  
Mark: Can't you talk in more than like…5 words at a time Fuck boy?  
  
Travis: Yes, as a matter of fact I can.  
  
Mark: (counts on fingers to see if that's actually more than 5 words)  
  
Travis: Shit dude you are so retarded. Tom's in the TV with a little robot, an Alien, and a dead Jen.  
  
Mark: Dude you're right!  
  
Travis: Why is the little alien dude pointing a laser at us?  
  
Mark: Don't know…hey what the?!  
  
(Zims maniacal laughter is heard as Mark and Travis are pulled into the screen.)  
  
  
  
What will happen next?  
  
Will GIR still love Tom?  
  
Will Tom still love GIR?  
  
Will Mark and Travis fall on Zim?  
  
Will Zim laugh maniacally until his throat is raw like mine is?  
  
Stay tuned to 'Never blink 182 times; you might end up with human stink pigs on your hands! An Invader Zim meets Blink-182 crossover!' to find out! 


	2. Act 2: Reckless abandonment and Zim gets...

Never blink 182 times; you might end up with human stink pigs on your hands. An Invader Zim meets Blink 182 crossover!  
  
A/N: okay, here we are again, seeing what lies inside the poor, demented mind of Courtney, or should I say Invader Sporkle? Don't ask. Any way, this chapter is for Invader Jet, who is my cousin, and ryanhasnobrain; he seems to like my stuff. So this one is for him. :-P ENJOY!  
  
Disclaimer: I only own the idea for the story  
  
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Act 2: Reckless Abandonment and Zim gets a lesson in sexology?  
  
-----------------  
  
Narrator: When we last left our heroes, or lack thereof, Zim had just sucked Mark and Travis into the television, and GIR was still tucked away in Tom's loving embrace. Awww. What will happen next? Well, if you really wanna know…READ GOD DAMMIT!!  
  
(Zim is still laughing until Mark and Travis fall on top of him)  
  
Mark: Ow! My ass! That hurt like a mother!  
  
Travis: NoOoOoO!!!! I think I broke my wrist! My career is over! This is the –  
  
Zim: ENOUGH! Stand away you smell of feet! Leave me alone!  
  
Mark: (hurt) Hey, I took a shower today buddy.  
  
Travis: (still cradling his injured wrist) Where are we?  
  
Tom: (Still holding GIR securely) Zim has sucked us into the television. We are now in the T.V. Show Invader Zim.  
  
GIR: Hi!  
  
Travis: What's that?  
  
Tom: (Smiling proudly) He's GIR. He's my friend. (Smiles again and bats his eyelashes)  
  
GIR: Hi!  
  
Mark: Is that all that he can say?  
  
GIR: Yes…wait a minute….no.  
  
Travis: Ha! He's almost as stupid as Tom! They're a perfect couple! (Laughs so hard he cries)  
  
Tom: (looks hurt) Oh…well if that's how you really feel.  
  
GIR: I'm not stupid…I'm advanced!  
  
Tom: (gives a cute little crooked smile)  
  
Mark: ri-i-i-i-i-ite, that's just what you want us to think.  
  
Zim: (Tapping foot) ahem…  
  
(All 3 blink boys turn around to face Zim)  
  
Zim: Have you forgotten exactly WHO is in charge of this OPERATION! (Shakes fist in the air)  
  
Mark: Hey, don't throw a hissy fit with me. I don't even know why I'm here!  
  
Zim: Follow ME! (Turns around and begins walking in that really strange way where he just kicks his legs straight up in front of him. Like, when you walk when you don't bend your knees)  
  
Tom: Okay! Fine with me! (Mark and Travis follow Tom who is following Zim and clutching GIR who is randomly screaming)  
  
Zim: GIR! I told you to be QUIET!  
  
GIR: taco, taco, tacoooo  
  
Tom: hey we like tacos too! Don't we!  
  
Travis and Mark: (rolling their eyes) Yes  
  
Tom: (all excited and such) Told ya!  
  
(They approach a rather large voot runner)  
  
Zim: get in the back fools. (laughter)  
  
(All of them pile into the back. Zim hops into the drivers seat and they begin to fly home.)  
  
Tom: I'm hungry. Are you hungry GIR?  
  
Mark: You're fucking redicu-  
  
GIR: yes. I'm gonna eat a rat.  
  
Travis: Dude, that's really gross.  
  
GIR: I understand….  
  
Tom: If I could choose something to eat right now…I'd have a bean and cheese burrito.  
  
GIR: I'd have a large classic poop. Ooh! And maybe a giant burrito!  
  
Tom and GIR: BUR-RI-TOOOOOOO!!!  
  
Mark: (to Travis) they're hopeless (Travis nods in agreement)  
  
Zim: GIR! I just upgraded your guiding system. Which way do we go?  
  
GIR: Uh, I dunno, I left that at home.  
  
Zim: You left what at home?  
  
GIR: the guidey chippy thingie  
  
Zim: Why would you DO that?  
  
GIR: mmm, I, DON'T know. Doo di doo di doo  
  
Travis: This is so boring…  
  
Mark: You can say that again.  
  
Travis: This is so boring…  
  
Tom: God what is up with you people and taking things so literally today?  
  
GIR: All the small things. True care, truth brings….  
  
Tom: HEY!  
  
GIR: Whaaaaaaat?  
  
Tom: I wrote that song! And I sing it too, and I play guitar for it too…as a matter of fact, we're the band who does that song!  
  
GIR: WOW!  
  
(Tom and GIR continue to sing all the small things until)  
  
Ship emergency System: Low fuel. Low fuel. You are doomed to crash.  
  
Zim: What happened? Why did we run out of fuel so quickly?  
  
GIR: I emptied it out.  
  
Zim: Emptied it? Why?  
  
GIR: To make room for the tuna.  
  
(The ship begins to plummet towards the ground)  
  
Tom: (High pitched girly scream)  
  
Mark: (Assorted curse words)  
  
Travis: (Huddled in corner rocking back and forth)  
  
GIR: (Gripping to Tom for dear life screaming)  
  
Zim: (trying to figure out how to keep the ship from crashing)  
  
(The ship crashes in the middle of the street)  
  
GIR: (jumping out of the wreckage) I'M NAKED! WOOHOO!  
  
Tom: hey that looks like fun! (Takes off all of his clothes :o) I'M NAKED TOO!  
  
(Mark and Travis emerge from the wreckage only to shield their eyes)  
  
Mark: Aw, man, Fuck Tom put you goddamn pants back on! I really could've gone all day without seeing that!  
  
Travis: (just stands there. His fragile little mind has been warped)  
  
Mark: (Shaking Travis' shoulder) Dude are you okay?  
  
Travis: (slowly shakes his head)  
  
Mark: Fuck you Tom! Look at what you've done to Travis.  
  
(Tom was too busy running with GIR to hear Mark.)  
  
Zim: (pops out of the rubble) GIR! KEEP IT DOWN!!! DO YOU WANT TO WAKE UP THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD?!?!??!!  
  
GIR: I DO!!!! WOOOHOO I'M RUNNING!  
  
Zim: (punches himself in the head) Stupid, stupid, stupid  
  
Mark: (walks up to Zim) hey dude, you may be a strange alien thing, but I know how you feel.  
  
Zim: You do?  
  
Mark: Hell yeah! I tour with that moron Tom! He drives me insane. Sure he's my best friend but he is annoying as fuck sometimes.  
  
Zim: (chuckles) yes, but this is different, something else entirely.  
  
Mark: Can't be too different. (Looks in the direction of Tom and GIR) Dude, that's just nasty.  
  
Zim: (shudders) what IS that thing?  
  
Mark: (bewildered) oh, uh…it's called a penis.  
  
Zim: What does it do? Is it lethal? (Gives a hopeful look)  
  
Mark: (deciding to toy with Zim's brain) yes, very lethal, but only when its angry. It'll get real hard, and stand up, and shoot really hot white liquid out.  
  
Zim: (in awe) Do you have one?  
  
Mark: (proudly) yeah, they come in all sizes. I got a big one. My friend Travis over there has one too, just not as big as mine.  
  
Zim: (intrigued) Where can I get one of these, penises, that you speak of…  
  
Mark: uh…you can't get them any more, they were deemed too dangerous for the general public.  
  
Zim: Curse you! CURSE YOOOOUUUUU!!!  
  
(Meanwhile)  
  
Tom: I'm tired. How about you?  
  
GIR: Me too.  
  
Tom: I'm cold too.  
  
GIR: Me too.  
  
Tom: Lets put our clothes back on.  
  
GIR: Okie dokie!  
  
(They both put on their clothes and walk to the nearest house. Tom knocks on the door. Someone answers.)  
  
GIR: AHHH! It's the one who tries to hurt my master!  
  
Tom: AHHH!  
  
Person at The door: AHHHH  
  
Tom: It's, It's!  
  
Person at the Door: It's, It's!  
  
GIR: DIB!  
  
Dib: TOM!  
  
Narrator: What will happen next? Will Dib pass out from excitement? Will Tom wheedle all of Dib's extraterrestrial information out of him? Will GIR get his tacos? Will Zim get the penis that he wants ever so badly? Will Mark tell him the truth about the infamous penis? Tune in next time to Never blink 182 times; you might end up with human stink pigs on your hands! An Invader Zim meets blink-182 crossover! 


	3. Act 3: Tom and Dib

Never Blink 182 times; You might end up with human stink pigs on your hands! An   
Invader Zim meets Blink 182 crossover!  
  
Author's Note: Hey this chapter really isn't all that funny but it was nessecary to move   
the story along. So you hafta read it. I honestly don't think Dib is that funny so I think   
that might be why. He'll be funnier later. Trust me.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. Although I wish I did I don't.   
I also don't own the quotes from the show. Sorry!   
  
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Act 3: Tom and Dib  
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Narrator: Last time we met, Zim wanted a penis, Tom and GIR were running around   
naked and found Dib's house, and poor Travis was paralyzed. Let's see what's going on   
now.  
  
Dib: TOM!  
  
Tom: DIB!  
  
Dib: TOM!  
  
Tom: DIB!  
  
GIR: Angry monkey!  
  
(Tom and Dib look at GIR and continue talking)  
  
Tom: Is that any way to greet your big brother who you haven't seen since you were a   
big-headed baby?  
  
Narrator: Yes, Tom and Dib are brothers. How? I don't quite know. I just decide to   
write it that way okay? Now get off my back. (somebody throws the shoe at the Narrator)   
Hey! Who threw that shoe?! I demand and explanation. (The Narrator demands and   
explanation) Hey! You! Sub-Narrator! SHUT THE FUCK UP! (…) that's better.   
Anyhow…back to the story.  
  
Dib: (sarcastically) Hello, Tom.  
  
Tom: Hello, Dib. That's better. Now, what were you saying?  
  
Dib: How did you GET here?  
  
Tom: Zim brought Me, Mark, and Travis here with a trimolecule converter.  
  
Dib: Incredible! Where are Mark and Travis?  
  
Tom: They're back at the ship thingie with Zim.  
  
Dib: ZIM!? Why would you leave them with Zim?  
  
Tom: (shrugs shoulders) eh….  
  
GIR: Where's my walnuts?  
  
Tom: (petting his head) I dunno but I'll get you some more kay?  
  
Dib: What's with Zim's dog?  
  
Tom: Hey! (Shoves finger between Dib's eyes. Causing him to go cross-eyed) Don't.   
EVER. Dis the dog!  
  
Dib: Okay, okay. Come inside now1 Time is of the essence!  
  
Tom: (confused) Why?  
  
Dib: We must save Mark and Travis!  
  
Tom: (even more confused) They're in danger?   
  
Dib: (growls) Nevermind! Just come in!  
  
(Dib grabs Tom by the arm, in the same way that Zim usually grabs GIR, and drags   
him inside)  
  
Dib: I am going to strap this recorder on your stomach…do NOT take it off! I will be   
able to hear Zim through it. But if you take it off I won't. Do you understand?  
  
Tom: (Looks at Dib, then averts his glance to GIR, shrugs, and looks back over to   
Dib) yes…  
  
Dib: How is it that the smarter of the two of us is born 2nd!? I don't get it! Why couldn't   
I be born first!? Why couldn't I be a normal person? WHY DID I GET THE BIG HEAD   
AND TINY MISPROPORTIONATE BODY!!   
  
Tom: (Holds finger in the air as if he has some kind of ingenious point to make) But   
if you were born first…then you would be me…as for the other stuff I don't really   
know…but...yeah…  
  
Dib: (stands there scratching his rather large head, quite baffled) you're right.  
  
Tom: (sounding hopeful) Really?  
  
Dib: (rolls eyes) Just go…(shoves Tom and GIR out the door)  
  
Tom: (to GIR) Well, that was odd.  
  
GIR: mhmm  
  
Tom: Lets go back to the ship and see what Mark, Zim, and Travis are doing. C'mere.   
(GIR jumps onto Tom's shoulders)  
  
GIR: Weeehooo! Weeehooo! (Bangs head with hands)  
  
Narrator: And so Tom frolics off into the sunset with GIR on his shoulders, who is   
pounding his head with his fists and screaming at the top of his lungs that he really   
doesn't have. Will Mark and Travis be okay? Will Tom remove the speaker from his   
stomach? Will Zim kill Mark and Travis and reign doom upon the world? Will dear sweet   
Travis' warped mind revert back to normal? I'll be the judge of that! Next time on   
Never blink 182 times; you might end up with human stink pigs on your hands! An   
Invader Zim meets Blink 182 Crossover! 


	4. Act 4: The Mullet

Never blink 182 times; you might end up with human stink pigs on your hands! An Invader Zim meets Blink 182 crossover!  
  
A/N: Okay! I really, really, REALLY! Like this chapter a lot. It was extraordinarily fun to write! I had a bunch of help from my friends so this chapter goes out to them! Thanks to Paige, Sarah *MuLLeT*, Elizabeth, Natalja, Jessie, and those two old guys at the hospital…man were they hilarious.  
  
D/C: I only own the idea for the story…that's it…no more…got it? Goooooood.  
  
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Act 4: The Mullet  
  
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Narrator: On the way back to the ship, Tom taught GIR a new phrase. Oh how the world would regret that move.  
  
Tom: (to GIR) Remember what I told you. When we get back, sneak up behind Travis and whisper that into his ear kay?  
  
GIR: (nods head so you can hear the pennies and paper clips rolling around)  
  
Tom: Okay! Great! Here's a cupcake! (Smiles and hands GIR the cupcakes)  
  
GIR: YAY! I got a cupcake! Wee hoo! Weeeeee Hoooooo!!  
  
Tom: (Smiles) I'm glad you liked it.  
  
(A few minutes later)  
  
Narrator: As they approached the ship, Tom placed GIR on the ground and he silently hovered over to Travis' ear and whispered into it. Travis screamed so loud that he fell over.  
  
Mark: What the fuck did you do Tom?!  
  
Tom: Dude, I didn't do anything!  
  
Travis: (pissed off to the point of shitting himself) Who the fuck said that!?  
  
Tom: (Stifling laughter) It wasn't me, but DAMN! That scream was so g-  
  
(Tom got the wind knocked out of him as Travis socked him in the guy)  
  
Tom: Dude, what the fuck?  
  
Travis: I know it was you.  
  
Tom: Fuck you! No it wasn't! I didn't say a mother fucking word to you!  
  
Travis: Well, all I know is that I'm gonna kick the shit out of whoever said that.  
  
(GIR sorta slid behind Tom in an attempt to hide from Travis. He hugged Tom's legs)  
  
Zim: (Agitated) it seems like again we are forgetting, WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE!!  
  
Mark: Damn fella don't get your antenna in a twist!  
  
Tom: Fuck dude that was so cheesy.  
  
(Meanwhile, at Dib's house)  
  
Dib: (Listening to the Conversation) This is so retarded! Don't they speak of anything intelligent to talk about? What am I thinking? Of course they won't. It's Tom we're talking about here. Tom and his psychotic friends.  
  
Gaz: (Irritated) You drank the last soda.  
  
Dib: No…I didn't.  
  
Gaz: You will pay!  
  
(Gaz runs over to Dib and starts pummeling him in the head with blows from her small fists)  
  
Gaz: AND! You didn't tell me OR dad that Tom came to visit. What a great brother you are.  
  
Dib: Sorry, but we had important business to attend to.  
  
Gaz: Whatever. (walks out of the door)  
  
(Back at the ship)  
  
Zim: (to Tom) Why is your shirt buldging out like that?  
  
Tom: Who me?  
  
Zim: Yes you.  
  
Tom: Um, because?  
  
Zim: Because…why?  
  
Tom: Cuz Dib put a little speaker on my stomach that enables him to listen to everything you say.  
  
Zim: Curse him! CURSE HIM!  
  
Tom: You can say that again…  
  
Mark: Curse him! CURSE HIM!  
  
Tom: You people are crazy! I DON'T MEAN LITERALLY! JAYZUS!  
  
(Zim walks over to Tom, lifts up his shirt, and pulls off the speaker)  
  
Tom: Shit dude! That Fucking hurt!  
  
Zim: (sarcastically) We have a winner! Give him a prize GIR!  
  
GIR: (Walks over to Tom, hugs him, and gives him a kiss on the cheek) I-I love you.  
  
Tom: (Touched) I love you too GIR. (They hug again)  
  
Zim, Mark, and Travis: (roll eyes) Stupid, stinking Tom.  
  
(At Dib's house)  
  
Dib: That darn Tom is so stupid! Just like that yeti, and the bigfoot in the garage that was using the belt sander…(trails off and scratches his head in thought)  
  
(at the ship)  
  
Zim: (smashes the speaker) Dib will pay for this. Oh how he shall pay. (clenches fists in air and squints eyes) To the SECRET lair!  
  
  
  
Narrator: Zim guides Tom, GIR, Mark, and Travis to the secret lair. Once they get there, Tom plops down on the couch and GIR sits on his lap while Mark and Travis sit on the floor.  
  
Zim: I will return soon, there will be no doubt about that… no doubt whatsoever. (Laughter)  
  
(Hours later)  
  
Zim: (Emerging from floor) Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! It is complete! COMPLEEEEEETE!  
  
(Tom and GIR look over at Zim and then return their glance to the tv. Mark and Travis are asleep on the floor)  
  
Zim: *Ahem* I SAID! (steps in front of the tv and turns it off)  
  
Tom: Hey! We were watching that!  
  
GIR: Yeah, I hafta finish watching it! I need to know what happens!  
  
Zim: Too bad!  
  
GIR: (Begins screaming and crying and running around in circles until Zim says)  
  
Zim: SHUT UP!  
  
GIR: Okie dokie! (goes back over and sits on Tom)  
  
Zim: I want you two to listen too. (Kicks Mark and Travis with his foot)  
  
Mark: Fuck off!  
  
Travis: Suck my balls!  
  
Zim: No that's quite alright. (pulls out a cattle prod and pokes them both causing them to be alert) I have dug a wormhole that I have planned to lure Dib into by telling him that I wish to reveal all of my secrets to him. When he goes he will be in, A ROOM! WITH A MULLET! The mullet will attack Dib causing him to mutate into one of these OOKIE creature…things.  
  
Tom: Excellent.  
  
GIR: I'd like a large classic poop! Another, another!!  
  
Zim: No. Now to get a nights rest to prepare for a day of the down fall of Dib. Ah! Hahahahahahahahahahahah!  
  
(The next morning)  
  
Zim: Hello Dib?  
  
Dib: What do you want Zim?  
  
Zim: I just wanted to tell you something.  
  
Dib: What? That you love earth and you're not an alien?  
  
Zim: No, it's actually quite the contrary. I feel there is no use going on and I want you to meet me somewhere secret so I can confess to you the truth of my being.  
  
Dib: Right Zim…now, what do you really want?  
  
Zim: That is the truth. Please take the directions I placed on your front door to the destination of our meeting place and I will tell you everything you need to know.  
  
Dib: Why won't you just tell me now?  
  
Zim: Someone could uh…tap into the phone lines and here…I want this to be private.  
  
Dib: Okay um what time?  
  
Zim: In about 25 of your earth minutes. (Hangs up)  
  
(Later)  
  
Dib: This is crazy but I guess I *could* trust him…once. (Dib puts out his coat and walks out the door)  
  
Professor Membrane: Excuse me young man but where do you think you're going?  
  
Dib: To save the world!  
  
Professor Membrane: (Sigh) whatever you say my large headed son.  
  
Narrator: By then, Dib is already out the door and heading towards Zim's back yard. But to his surprise, when he got there he was sucked into the wormhole)  
  
Dib: Hey! Were am I? You….  
  
Narrator: A screen whizzes out from nowhere and shows Zim's face.  
  
Zim: Yes, it was I who brought you to this wormhole.  
  
Dib: Great, another room with a moose to bring me to my moosey fate. Terrific.  
  
Zim: NO! But once again I did research many different wormholes with many possible outcomes.  
  
Dib: (rolls eyes) Great.  
  
Zim: One wormhole would've spit you out into a dimension of pure stinking. (a picture of poop pops up on the screen) Another would have placed you into a dimension of pure ickyness. (Picture of Dib eating nasty food is put on the screen). You will be FORCED to eat nasty earth food until you die. But once again, I have created a wormhole for such a special occasion. For at the end of this wormhole lies…A ROOM, WITH A MULLET! Yech yech yech yech yech.  
  
Dib: NO!!!! Not that Zim, anything but that! (Sees Tom and GIR dancing in the background) Tom! Tom! You hafta help me! Tom!  
  
Tom: (runs over to the screen, pushes Zim out of the way, and smushes his face against the screen) HI DIB!  
  
Dib: Tom help me please! Zim's trying to take me to a room with a mullet!  
  
Tom: Oooh! Mullet! (Runs back to GIR and starts dancing with him)  
  
Dib: What did you do to Tom? He's stupid, but not this stupid!  
  
Zim: Oh that, I just removed part of his intelligence.  
  
Dib: Curse you Zim.  
  
Zim: (maniacal laughter)  
  
Narrator: Dib is tossed into the room with the mullet and is attacked by all angles. While Dib is in a corner, huddled in fear, one of the "mulletoids" injects a fluid into his arm causing him to turn into a mullet. What will happen next? Will Zim reign victorious over mullet Dib? Will Tom get his intelligence back? Will Dib ever be a normal human worm baby ever again? Find out next time on Never Blink 182 Times; You Might End Up With Human Stink Pigs On Your Hands! An Invader Zim Meets Blink 182 Crossover! 


	5. Act 5: The Degenerate Nightmare is going...

Never Blink 182 Times; You Might End Up With Human Stink Pigs On Your Hands! An Invader Zim Meets Blink 182 Crossover!  
  
A/N: I absolutely! Must dedicate this chapter…to…*drum roll* DiBB Punk! Yay for you! I'm so thankful you dedicated that chapter to me…:') tears of joy! Aren't they lovely? Any who…after this chapter I'm gonna take a break and continue writing Secrets in the Dark…but I'm not done with this…I just won't update as frequently as I have been. So yeah.  
  
D/C: Don't own shit…except for the concept, or idea, or whatever.  
  
  
  
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Act 5: The Degenerate Nightmare is going Door to Door until it finds a hospital  
  
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Narrator: In a burst of sudden brotherly love, our temporary hero Tom jumps into the wormhole to save his mullified brother Dib. Dib is now entirely a mullet, just a huge gigantic…mullet. No face, no arms, no legs, all you can see, is…a huge, black, mullet. Now they are in search of a hospital…or maybe a barbershop.  
  
Tom: Dib, haven't you learned by now that you can't trust Zim. I've seen every episode and he sure tricks you in some pretty good ways. Ways that are rather tricky.  
  
Mullet-Dib: hmrphnrgrg shfrisnty. (Well sure, but I'm never supposed to learn remember?!?! That makes the show funny)  
  
Tom: I know that makes the show funny but we're not in the show now…are we?  
  
(Tom stops the car and looks into the outside world. He knocks on the glass)  
  
Tom: Guess not. So you can actually be smart for a change. (restarts car)  
  
Mullet-Dib: hrmferfish tmsh. (speak for yourself Tom.)  
  
Tom: I hope GIRs okay…I hope Zim isn't doing anything bad to him…  
  
Mullet-Dib: (Shakes mullet) hmptlss… (hopeless)  
  
Tom: Excuse me but who here is a giant mullet who got tricked by an alien?  
  
Mullet-Dib: henempei kdimshuty phen pors chune! (Well, at least I'm not as dumb as a rock and worrying about a stupid, cold, unfeeling robot thing!)  
  
Tom: Oh like that was insulting you bigheaded brat!  
  
Mullet-Dib: wnfthsh taf? (What's that?)  
  
Tom: What the? (Stops the car and looks out the window. Sees a bunch of Hillbillies dancing on the side of the road)  
  
Hillbilly #1: Humdiddyhumdedumlibsumatsumatsumathumdiddy.  
  
Hillbilly #2: Summat sumsum hum diddy humdum sumnat  
  
Hillbilly #3: GO RUTGERS! YEE HAW!!! ( begins to dance with the other hillbillies)  
  
Tom: (restarts car) anyway, Hey! There's a hospital right there! (Pulls into the parking area) Here let me carry you. (Picks Mullet-Dib up and carries him into the lobby.  
  
Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, but there are no pets allowed in the building.  
  
Tom: Oh this is no pet, this is my little brother Dib. He has been turned into a mullet by 'mulletoids' and he needs to be saved. Saved I say! Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to go on! I'd kill myself if he died! (Tom is now screaming with tears running down his face, and the whole hospital is watching him) I'd…I'd, I-  
  
Receptionist: (Cuts Tom off) I think you'd be better off going to a barbershop.  
  
Tom: (Stops his rant, drops his arms down to his sides, and looks around the hospital to see all the people staring at him) Oh…um Thank you…sorry for the uh…hassle.  
  
Receptionist: (looking quite worried) Uh…alright….well, good luck.  
  
(Ten minutes later)  
  
Narrator: Tom is waiting in Luigi's Barbershop for Dib's hair to be done, when he has another hillbilly encounter. Two men walk over to the bench where he's sitting. One is small, with a slim build. He is wearing an old tattered flannel shirt, and walks with a slight limp. The other is rather bulky wearing a wife beater, a jean jacket, and a pair of blue jeans. The shirt is up over his belly exposing a nasty scar. He was carrying a Victoria's Secret catalog. Both are about in their 50's.  
  
Tom: (Scoots uneasily away from the two old men sitting next to them, he finds them scary. He wishes GIR was there.)  
  
Thin Man: (thinking while watching the fat man) *I'm gonna read it again* (Continues watching fat man until…)  
  
Fat Man: (Softly) I'm gonna read it again. (Continues reading his Magazine)  
  
Thin Man: What are you doing? (knowing very well what he was doing)  
  
Fat Man: Nothing…  
  
Thin Man: Nothing…or something…  
  
Fat Man: Just uh…reading my stories…  
  
Thin Man: I Told you not to look at those things, they bring up your blood pressure.  
  
Fat Man: (Like he could care less) Eh….  
  
Tom: (Laughs to himself as the Barber comes out) Is he alright Doc?  
  
Luigi: (heavy Italian Accent) I-a tried my best-a. But I'm afraid-a his-a hair-a will-a never be the same-a.  
  
Tom: Oh well show me what you've done!  
  
(Luigi shakes head and brings out Dib, who looks exactly like he did before the attack of the killer mullet)  
  
Tom: Okay…uh we'll be leaving then…  
  
Luigi: Luigi has done an awful job-a. No-a pay-a is-a nessecary.  
  
Tom: Uh…thanks, I think… (Slowly Grabs Dib and inches out the door)  
  
(Back in the Car)  
  
Tom: Whew, that went smooo-thly (does little pelvic thrust thing in the seat of the car to the syllables of smoothly)  
  
Dib: Thanks bro, I owe you one.  
  
Tom: No it's more like 5, but other than that…you're welcome.  
  
Dib: (hugs tom's arm) I love you…  
  
Tom: Love you too bro…  
  
Dib: I was talking to your alien tattoos.  
  
Tom: oh…  
  
(Begins to rain outside)  
  
Tom: Fuck, roll up the windows so the rain doesn't screw up the leather.  
  
(Tom rolls up the window and all of a sudden it explodes all over him for no good reason at all. Fuck you glass! FUCK YOU!!!!! Ahem…any who)  
  
Tom: Fuck! (pulls car over and wipes all the glass out of the car.) That's better. (Continues driving) So where are we going? Your house, or Zim's?  
  
Dib: We are going to my house…while you catch up with Gaz and Dad, I'll be working on something so amazing…it's a secret.  
  
Tom: SECRET! What are you hiding Dib worm? Tell me! TELL ME!!!!  
  
Dib: Something…  
  
Tom: What is this miraculous secret thing?  
  
Dib: I ain't tellin' yo…  
  
Tom: Does it defy the laws of time and space? Can it alter the minds of sentient beings? (desparate) Is it they key to figuring out why Mark wants to have fun with my mother's goats?  
  
Dib: (Looks Confused at the last comment) oh…you will find out all too soon my big brother…you will find out all to soon…ahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahha!!!!  
  
Narrator: And as the black ford expedition drives off into the sunset, with Dib's all to Zim-like laughter echoing in the ears of all the men, women and children, one can only wonder what evil thoughts were running through his freakishly large head…only I know. And so until the next chapter, you won't know, because through the wise words of Poop Dawg I say… 'I ain't telling yo!' SO SHOVE THAT ONE UP YOUR ASS! HA! Ahem…sulleness is of the essence of my being…stay tuned…to… Never Blink 182 Times; You Might End Up With Human Stink Pigs On Your Hands! An Invader Zim Meets Blink 182 Crossover!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: The breaking glass and the two old men were based on personal experience. In history class, a window broke while I was closing it and it shattered all over me. And the old men…they only said the part about the blood pressure…it wasn't a Victoria's Secret, but it was a lingerie catalog. It was fucking hilarious! 


	6. Act 6: A Walk in the Park

Never Blink 182 Times; You Might End Up with Human Stink Pigs on Your Hands! An Invader Zim Meets Blink 182 Crossover!  
  
A/N: How's it goin? (ha old kid:o) Well It came to my attention that some of you might think that I use too many quotes in my story…well too bad for you. My story…and I do make up my own lines, Christ! This whole fucking story came marching out of my brain! I just get inspiration from everyday goings on. So there…shove that up you ass you morbid like a pig in a slaughterhouse child who needs to be hung by their hair like an enormous rabid, and might I say rather misshapen, MOOSE!!!!! Any way…on with the story…OH YES! This chapter is dedicated to……..CRIMSONOBBSESSION!!!!!! She is a truly talented writer and deserves mounds and mounds of credit for her excellent work! Read her stuff…It's tons better than mine.  
  
Disclaimer: I only own the story  
  
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Act 6: A walk in the park  
  
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Narrator: Last time on Never Blink 182 Times; You Might End Up with Human Stink Pigs on Your Hands! An Invader Zim Meets Blink 182 Crossover!, we left Dib and Tom driving home so that Dib could plot an intricate revenge scheme to pay back Zim for the Mullet incident. When they got home…  
  
Professor Membrane: Welcome home son! How is your band?  
  
Gaz: Yes…How IS your band? (Mentally pondering how Travis is doing)  
  
Tom: Oh, we're doing great! (Gives the professor a hug) And Travis has been the best idea we've ever thought of (winks at Gaz)  
  
Gaz: *Sigh*  
  
Dib: Weeeeeell, I'm gonna go and uh, plot an intricate revenge scheme on Zim.  
  
PM's Doll: Why? To save the world? You poor insane boy with an enormous head.  
  
Dib: *Sigh* yes.  
  
PM: Why can't you be like your brother? Successful, and have a head that science can explain! (Clenches air with fist)  
  
Dib: Because…because…because the DNA that bonded during my creation made me this way! That's why! (runs to his room and slams the door.)  
  
PM: Hmmm…Take note of this Mini-Membrane…my youngest son is not as insane as previously established.  
  
Dib: (Sticks his head out of his door) Oh yea! Tom believes in aliens too! (Slams door again)  
  
PM: Is this true Tom?  
  
Tom: Yeah…But…  
  
PM: No buts young man! You may be a super famous rock star…but you seem to forget that I am still your father….a super famous scientist father! Now go to your room!  
  
Tom: You gave Gaz my…  
  
PM: (holds up hand) Off with you!  
  
Tom: (Hangs head and traipses off to Gaz's room)  
  
PM: Mini- Membrane, make sure to note that my eldest son is just as ludicrous as the other one.  
  
Narrator: Tom went on to Gaz's room and decided to get some well-deserved rest. Dib however was being more productive, he began to connive a maniacal scheme to pay back Zim for the embarrassment and emotional scarring of the mullet. Speaking of Zim…  
  
(Back at Zim's house)  
  
Zim: Fools! How many times must I tell you not to do that?!  
  
(Mark and GIR quit jumping on the couch and singing the doom song while Travis sways uncomfortably in a corner)  
  
Zim: (running over to the couch) It musses the upholstery (gives them a look of shock and desperation)  
  
(Mark and GIR just stare at him as he gropes the couch and whispers to it)  
  
Zim: It's okay my sweet couch, your upholstery will go unharmed this night…your stuffing will lay protected…in your vulnerable belly…  
  
Mark: Fuck Zim! You're not fucking Sergeant Slab Rankle! Shit!  
  
GIR: Tom! Where'd you go? Where are ya Tom?  
  
Zim: (stops whispering sweet nothings to the upholstery) That insolent goat ch-  
  
Mark: (excited) Goat? Where?  
  
Zim: (rolls his eyes although you wouldn't be able to tell because they're all red and such) Nowhere you childish meat sack! But as I was saying, that insolent goat child abandoned us for that curs-ed interFERing Dib. (growls)  
  
GIR: I miss you Tom! I miss you! (balls hands into fists and drops to his knees) WHHYYYYYY!!?? (cries)  
  
Zim: Festering blemish of annoyance! (clenches air) BE QUIET!!!  
  
GIR: (blinks only once I'm afraid) okay…(sniffle)  
  
(the phone rings)  
  
Zim: (stares at the phone and then pulls out that little voice changey thing and depends his voice. He picks up the phone) Hello. How may I help you to day?  
  
GIR: Tom?  
  
Person on the phone: Zim?  
  
Zim: Who is this? Why are you calling my house? I am normal…  
  
Dib: It's me! Dib! Can't you recognize your own former arch nemesis' voice? Huh? Huh  
  
Zim: Preposterous! That makes you sound so fake, so not right, so stupid like a moo- cow. Stupid like a cow Dib stupid like a cow!  
  
Dib: Shouldn't that be stupid like a moose? I read the script and…  
  
Zim: Do not question me you rabid moose child! I will not have you tricking me with your little tricky….thingies!  
  
Dib: But, we'll be feeding duckies? How can you resist duckies?  
  
Zim: Duckies? Really?  
  
Dib: Really!  
  
GIR: Will Tom be there?  
  
Zim: Count me in on your miserable earth custom…but don't expect me to fall into your clever sack of doom…  
  
Narrator: Dib proceeds to discuss with Zim the plans for the park. What follows? Sheer madness!  
  
*The Next Day*  
  
Zim: Okay…I think we have everything we need…Tacos?  
  
GIR: (holds up tacos) CHEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!  
  
Zim: poop cola?  
  
Mark: (stops drinking his soda in mid air and sorta glances over the can at everyone) uh…heh heh… yeah! (flashes an innocent grin)  
  
Zim: Right…uh…moldy bread to feed to those dejected duck things?  
  
Travis: (stares blankly at a wall with the bread duck-taped to his bare chest)  
  
Zim: Mark, if you don't mind me asking, what is wrong with your friend? He is morbid like a pig in a slaughter house no?  
  
GIR: (drops once again to his knees with his arms extended in the air) NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! PIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!  
  
Mark: (runs over to GIR and consoles him) Look at what you've done Zim! It's okay GIR. And no my friend Travis is NOT morbid like a you know what in a your know where.  
  
GIR: (rubs eyes) I miss you Tom, I miss you. (Looks up to ceiling and a shot of Tom appears)  
  
Tom: I miss GIR.  
  
Dib: He's a robot.  
  
Tom: I know, but he's different. I love that little robot…I love him good.  
  
Dib: Whatever, we have to have everything perfect, otherwise…madness.  
  
(Madness dog is seen walking outside)  
  
Tom: OOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Chihuahua! Can I pet him? Huh? Huh?  
  
Dib: (sigh) No…it's time (dun dun dun…..dramatic reverb) for a walk…in the park!  
  
Narrator: So Dib and Tom get into the black Expedition as Mark, Travis, Zim, and GIR get into marks little black Acura. How their cars got into cartoon world…I don't know….so just deal with it! It's time for the adventures in the park.  
  
(Dib and Tom pull up in the grass as GIR drives the Acura into a tree)  
  
Mark: Awww…my car. (Looks upset for a second) oh well, I guess I'll buy a new one.  
  
Dib: (forcing a smile on his face) hello Zim…how nice to see you again!  
  
Zim: (also forcing a smile on his face) Well nice to see your putrid face as well Dib?  
  
GIR: TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tom: GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! !  
  
(the run in a warm embrace. Tom kisses GIR's head.)  
  
Gir: I missed you Tom! I really did! (nuzzles face into Tom's chest)  
  
Tom: I missed you too GIR! I missed you so much!  
  
Mark: Jesus Tom! Get a fucking grip! Look at what you've done to Travis!  
  
(Travis is standing in the pond up to his waist with the bread still taped to his chest. All the while fish and birds are attacking him…he doesn't move…except for the fact that his eye twitches)  
  
Tom: Oh..uh huh…yeah ummmahh…looks like one of them orca whales uh huh,  
  
Dib: (jabs Tom in leg) shut up!  
  
Zim: Where is the fun? I demand mounds of fun right now!  
  
Dib: Well…uh…lets go!  
  
Narrator: Here's my montage 1st of two montage scenes! Yay!  
  
(Wouldn't It be nice by the beach boys is playing in the background!)  
  
Narrator: Tom and GIR stand at the side of the road, smiling with their fists up in the air…as the cars drive by the see how many people stare at them, they begin to laugh and dance as a guy drives up, says 'woohoo' and leaves. Dib and Zim decide to feed the ducks, but they have to get the bread from Travis' chest but Travis is afraid that the tape will act like a waxing agent and rip out all his hairs so he runs through the park screaming while Dib and Zim chase him. Mark jumps into the pond and the fishies pop up and Mark thinks they're being friendly, but all of a sudden they start attacking him and he screams and falls back into the water. Zim is holding Travis on the ground while Dib rips off the tape mercilessly…Travis faints. Dib and Zim run off laughing and throw bread to the duckies. The duckies don't like this and start pecking Zim on the head while Dib falls over laughing. Meanwhile, Tom and GIR Run to the library next to the pond and steal a pencil so that they can feel like rebels. Mark however is steal being attacked by fish when out of no where Keef pops up from the pond and the fishies get scared and swim away. Mark notices Keef's rainbow shirt and they strike up a happy conversation about saving the rainbows and unicorns in the world. A unicorn followed by a hunter runs by in the background while they are laughing. GIR runs out of the library with the pencil in hand screaming while Tom chases him. The duckies are still pecking Zim's head and GIR throws the pencil right through the ducks head. Zim wipes sweat from his face and all of a sudden a monstrous swarm of duckies attack GIR. GIR runs in circles screaming when once again the ever amazing Keef pops out of no where and scares the duckies away. A little girl with pigtails, a black trenchcoat, baggy purple plaid pants, and a green alien shirt is seen sitting on the bridge, dangling her feet over the side. She is contentedly feeding the geese and duckies some mysterious stuffs. Song ends…so does the montage!  
  
(A shot of a girl in a skirt with a mullet is sitting on a bench. She is sitting with her legs wiiiiiide open)  
  
Girl on the Bridge: SARAH!!!! CLOSE YOUR LEGS!!!!  
  
Sarah: huh? Huh?  
  
A girl sitting next to Sarah: you're wearing a skirt.  
  
Sarah: AHH!!! (her head explodes)  
  
Girl on Bridge: Right…my poor, poor virgin eyes…(shakes head and continues feeding the geese and duckies)  
  
Tom: (sees little girl and approaches her) Hey chillin whatcha doin?  
  
Girl on Bridge: Just feeding the goosies and the duckies some chocolate laxative…what's your name?  
  
Tom: Laxative? That sounds like fun can I try? My name…is Tom the almighty ruler of cheese! AH hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ahem…What's your name?  
  
Coat~nay!: (vivaciously) My name…is…COAT~NAY!!!!!! Fear me! Fear me!!!! Ahahahahhahahhahaha!!!!!  
  
Tom: Courtney?  
  
Coat~nay!: noooooooo! It's Coat~nay! You hafta shout it when you say it!  
  
Tom: Coat~nay! Can I feed the ducks laxative too?  
  
Coat~nay!: Yee-uh! Here ya go! (places laxative in Tom's hand)  
  
Tom: Oooooo! Laxatively good! (flashes a cheesy grin)  
  
Narrator: While Coat~nay! And Tom are feeding the ducks the laxative…Dib and Zim are about to have a show down…  
  
Zim: I had so much fun Dib! I didn't know your human self was capable of such light hearted enjoyment!  
  
Dib: (sarcastically) Yes, yes it was magical. But all good times must end…and that time is now…  
  
Zim: What are you talking about?  
  
Dib: Your assumptions were correct…I was out to get you all along…and I still am…  
  
Zim: You rotten, disgusting, meddlesome, putri-  
  
Dib: Silence! Let me reign some doom upon your doomed head. (does little quotey thingies around "Let me reign some doom upon your doomed head".)  
  
Narrator: Now for the chain reaction! From inside of his coat Dib pulls a Massive Turkey bird…almost as big as his head…and throws it at Zim! Slow motion time!!!!! The turkey bird soars through the air causing a blow to Zim's head making him do a back flip into Coat~nay! Which causes Coat~nay! To rub her head in pain as Zim's fall sends him careening into the pond. This instigates the geese and duckies to fly into the air with makes their bowels go crazy. They then proceed to poop on Coat~nay!*z head. Coat~nay! Cannot take anymore of the poop that is being bombarded upon her.  
  
Coat~nay!: NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!! The poop! The poop! The nasty, icky, horrible, poooooooop! AHHHH!  
  
Narrator: She continues to scream like this until she explodes…her body flies into the pond causing it to miraculously turn into hydrochloric acid! NOOOO!!!  
  
Tom: (upset) Awww…my Coat~nay!  
  
Zim: NOOOOOOOO!!! The burning! The BURNING!! GIR help me! I'm burning!  
  
Dib: (Doing the dorky little laugh thing) I did it! I got Zim!  
  
Narrator: GIR runs up behind Dib and pushes him into the pond of hydrochloric acid as well. The fusion of the oil and fat with the hydrochloric acid, causes both Dib AND Zim's fingers to turn entirely into soap!  
  
Dib and Zim: FINGERS! LIKE!!! SSSSSSSOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAPPPPP!!!!! NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Narrator: So as Zim and Dib sit burning in the pond of hydrochloric acid, Keef and Mark are on their way to city hall to petition the slaughtering of unicorns, Tom and GIR are again dancing in the street, and Travis, well, Travis is still laying on the ground, he is being attacked by squirrels….what will happen next? I don't know…I haven't thought that far yet! So stay tuned! 


	7. Act 7: Oddities at the Bus Terminal

A/N: Hey! I'm sorry it's been so long since I've updated! Lots of things have been going on with my dysfunctional life…I'm sure that Jet COULD tell you all about it…I'd prefer she didn't tho ::hint hint:: anywho, this should be pretty good. It's sorta based on my birthday dinner and another dinner at outback…but there's other references…like that smelly fat girl on the bus…gag me…well…this chapter goes out to…hey Travis, gimme some gnarly drummin playz ::some fast paced drummin' hullabaloo is going on in the back ground:: and the winner is ::opens envelope:: oh my goodness it seems we have a tie! ::gasp from crowd::  
  
Old Man: Start the fucking story already whore!!  
  
Sporkle: ::Eye twitches:: Seize that guy and uh….throw him out the theatre!  
  
Old Man: Agh!  
  
Sporkle: That was the wrong guy, but that's okay! I think everyone gets the idea hmm? Anywho ::insert cheesy smile here:: the winners are….Invader Jet and Sweet Insanity! Kudos to the Two of you! You forever live in my heart(  
  
Disclaimer: I don't feel like going through this all over again;)  
  
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Act 7: Oddities at the Bus Terminal  
  
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Narrator: Last we left you to your horrible, dysfunctional lives of doom and misery…Zim and Dib were flailing wildly in a pond of hydrochloric acid…suffering from soap fingers (gasp) with nobody there to rescue them! For Keef and Mark had frolicked off to city hall to petition Unicorn slaughter, Tom and GIR were ::sings:: Dancin' in the Street! And Poor, Poor Travis is being molested by rabid squirrels. When it seems that all hope is lost…Invader Jet flies in from nowhere…and whisks Zim and Dib out of their predicament and they are magically cured of their sudsy fingers…Jet however…does not ever do things for free…Zim and Dib owe their LIVES to Jet…will she ever let them forget that? ::in a harsh undertone:: no. So, she invites Zim, Dib, GIR, Mark, Tom, and Travis out to Dinner…She also drags along her friends Sporkle and Courtney. No…Not Coat~naY! …Courtney… but Coat~naY! might just rear her ugly head…just be patient… As they currently are…the crew is standing at a bus terminal, waiting to catch the bus to Sakura! ^_^ yum yum! There's a crazy fellow standing next to them. It seems to be Johnny, the Homicidal Maniac.  
  
Jet: (Enthusiastically) well! Here we are at the almighty bus terminal! Hoowah! This is my cousin Sporkle ::Motions to a little green Irken with Orange eyes and twirly antennae…the twirl is orange too. She is wearing a black belly shirt with the invader collar and arm...thingies (ya know tha lil triangle watchamadoozers), a red plaid skirt, platform boots with a clear platform that acts as a fish tank (bwahahahaha), fishnet sleeves and gloves that come to the wrist with the tips cut off:: And this is my friend-  
  
Sporkle: (all of a sudden looks like Coat~nay! the little girl in the park) (maniacally) you thought you all were rid of me didn't you (quirks an eyebrow)  
  
Tom: (Scareded ded) but ::Grabs GIR:: you had head explodey! How are you still alive? HOW! HOOOOOOOOW!!!  
  
Dib: (matter of factly) well, there's a perfectly paranormal explanation for all of this…you see-  
  
Everyone: SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BIG HEADED BOZO!  
  
Dib: (hurt) my heads not big (climbs in a tree)  
  
"Coat~naY!": (does that thing with her fingers like Mr. Burns from the simpsons always does) heh heh heh, teh heh heh, Bwahahahahahhah! Ah! AH! AHHHH! BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! (All of a sudden is back to Sporkle) Hey!  
  
::Everyone's eye twitches, except for Johnny who sorta snickered::  
  
Sporkle: ::Sticks bottom lip out and looks confused…her antennae go all forward…like the face Zim makes in battle of the planets when Dib was coming up behind him:: what? Why is everyone looking at meh like that?  
  
::eyes are still twitching, Nny is still snickering::  
  
Sporkle: Uh…okay…well this is DPIR ::motions towards a small…maybe about one and a half foot tall…robot disguised as a little orange monkey::  
  
DPIR: ::blinks:: ooooooooo! ::latches onto Travis' leg:: I like you!  
  
Travis: ::Cracks a smile…and reaches down to the little monkey:: I-I ::Chokes Between tears:: I love you too little DPIR  
  
Sporkle: DPIR…Come to Sporkle!  
  
Travis: ::Growls:: (in an under tone) no…  
  
Jet: ::Looks confused:: anyway as I was saying…this is a friend I picked up…her name is Courtney ::Motions in Vannah White style to a tall, slender teenage girl. She has short black hair that is in pigtails and with pink tips. She's wearing a red belly shirt with a green alien on it. She has large blue pants with black boots and a black trench coat. She has her belly button pierced and smiles sweetly…Nny Sorta just looks at her::  
  
Courtney: Hey, hey waddaya say!  
  
Nny: ::Just Stares::  
  
Everyone else: (in a unanimous, monotonous tone) Hello Courtney…  
  
Courtney: Cheez, you look at me like I'm gonna flip out or something…you don't even know me! Why is it that whenever people don't know somebody they just automatically think something's wrong with them? People make me sick sometimes you know that? FUCK! ::eye twitchy and she begins panting::  
  
Nny: ::Looks at her again::  
  
Courtney: What are you looking at? You of all people should know what I'm talking about! Don't people ever look at you and ask… "Hey…what's with you crazy guy?" Huh? HUH?  
  
Nny: ::Opens his mouth and sticks his finger in the air giving the impression he's gonna say something…he doesn't::  
  
Courtney: Whatever…So where are we goin now?  
  
Jet: We're off to dinner…  
  
::Down the street run a crowd of people with pizza, a warthog, a mosquito, and a girl with a lint roller::  
  
Girl #1: Look at all this pizza Jessie! However will I eat it all?  
  
Jessie: I don't know Cony…however will you?  
  
::The mosquito flies away from the warthogs ass and up to Jessie and pops the pizza out of her hand and onto the floor…she does that thing that Gaz does in Battle Dib where she reaches for the pizza but the bugs get to it::  
  
Jessie: ::her surroundings get all black as our pals in the background huddle together…even Johnny::  
  
Jessie: Let it be known, that from this day, until the end of the day, vengeance will be mine. Mosquito, you will not know the meaning of peace for I shall reign misery down upon your pizza tainting heart! ::eye begins to twitch making a strange cricket noise::  
  
::Pan to nny's face…his eye twitches::  
  
::Cricket Noise and Eye twitchy::  
  
::Pan to Courtney's face…she's grinding her teeth::  
  
::Cricket Noise and Eye twitchy::  
  
::Pan to Jet…giving Zim a look of disdain::  
  
::Cricket Noise and Eye twitchy::  
  
::Pan to Tom's face…he's looking at her all confused like::  
  
::Cricket Noise and Eye twitchy::  
  
::Pan to Zim…he looks like he did when he got hit with the power amplifier beam::  
  
::Cricket Noise and Eye twitchy::  
  
::Pan to Mark's face…he stares blankly::  
  
::Cricket Noise and Eye twitchy::  
  
::Pan to Dib…he looks downright petrified::  
  
::Cricket Noise and Eye twitchy::  
  
::Pan to Sporkle…she's twitching on the ground from the intensity of the sound::  
  
::Cricket Noise and Eye twitchy::  
  
::Pan to GIR and DPIR…They're dancing::  
  
::Cricket Noise and Eye twitchy::  
  
::Pan to Travis…he's hanging upside down from a tree, with his arms stretched out to the sides…with birds taped to his arms and chest…Dib is stuck to his back::  
  
::Pan To Nny::  
  
Nny: I'VE HAD IT! FUCK YOU LITTLE GIRL! (pulls out a knife) YOU'RE GONNA PAY!  
  
::Johnny heads over to Jessie and turns her into a mangled heap of blood and pizza::  
  
Sporkle: ::Looks up from ground…:: Thank you…you… (back to the park girl) NO! Jessie! Why? Why kill my Jessie?!??!  
  
NNY: Oh she's not dead…just a little…messed…  
  
Jessie: (Holds up a finger) I'm okay! No need worry! I'm A OK!  
  
Girl With lint roller: Why hello…it seems you all are fuzzy…are you in need of a lint roller?  
  
"Coat~naY!": Heh tha! How are you? Attack that guy…he seems a little fuzzy.  
  
Heh tha: OKAY!!!!!  
  
(Heh tha runs over to Johnny and begins rubbing him with the lint roller and then runs away.)  
  
Nny: I will get that girl…I will…  
  
(Finally the bus pulls up…and Everybody boards the bus. A couple other people are already on the bus. Jessie, is in a seat by herself, and two Irken girls, one with blue eyes and one with green eyes, in the front right behind the driver. The Irken with green eyes has curly lightning bolt antennae and is wearing a shirt that's dark red and light red and she has a spiked collar and black invader pants and invader boots and has odd custom gloves…what's with those gloves. The one with blue eyes…well…she's not important…use your imagination . Another person that just happens to be on the bus is Heh tha, the girl with the lint roller. She Is hiding in the back seat. Courtney goes to the back of the bus and Johnny follows her…she sits in the second to last seat on the right side, and he sits in the seat next to her which is on the left side. This just happens to be the seat right in front of Heh tha. Zim decides he'll sit next to Jet…but Sporkle shoots dear Jet an evil eye. Mark and Tom sit next to each other as do GIR and DPIR. Travis Sits next to Sporkle. Dib sits alone. All of a sudden this huge…disgusting fat girl comes in and sits down next to Courtney…she is far from pleased for as she sits down…a wave of stench falls over her and Courtney feels as if she is going to die.  
  
Courtney: Jesus Christ! What a stench!  
  
(The girl repositions herself, rubbing her ass on Courtney's arm)  
  
Courtney: My God…Could it get any worse? (Reaches into her trench coat and puts on her headphones…she's listening to Black Flag – Depression…She also pulls out a handy little Alien abduction Encyclopedia)  
  
Fat Ass: (turns around…drool is hanging out from her mouth and falling onto here NIH nine inch heels shirt) Do yous have sumthing to say tuh may?  
  
Courtney: Um…yes actually I do…You see…whenever you move…your ass brushes my arm and it is rather unnerving…and you do need to bathe as your grotesque stench is enough to make me vomit things I haven't eaten.  
  
Fat Ass: ::Rolls eyes and turns around::  
  
Courtney: ::Returns to reading when all of a sudden::  
  
Fat Ass: Did you have something to say to me?  
  
Courtney: I already told you.  
  
(Nny jumps up)  
  
Nny: Excuse me ma'am! You're blocking… MY VIEW!!!!!!! (pulls out a sword and swiftly mangles the girls body and throws it next to Jessie)  
  
Courtney: ::Just looks at him:: thanks…I think…::Turns back to book…She's now listening to 88 Fingers Louie – Blink::  
  
Jessie: ::Looks with a toe over at Fat Ass:: He got you too eh?  
  
Fat Ass: uh huh…  
  
Sporkle: Oh I will get that little Jet if it's the last thing I do…She's always after my men…ALWAYS!!!! The madness never stops ::Madness dog is sitting next to Travis…he eats it…Sporkle just stares:: Right…::all of a sudden:: TRAVIS! ::Grabs waist  
  
Travis: Just sits there…  
  
"Coat~naY!": Is that Dib over there? Oh…my…GOD! ::Back flips over to sit next to Dib::  
  
Dib: ::With tears in his eyes:: What ::sniff:: do you want?  
  
"Coat~naY!": ::gives him a kissie on the cheek:: Hi!  
  
Dib: ::Eyes widen:: What was THAT for?  
  
"Coat~naY!": I like you! You're so… ::all of a sudden:: ack! Why am I sitting next to you?!?!  
  
Dib: ::turns back to window:: I don't know  
  
Sporkle: Arg… ::backflips back over to travis:: Argh…I hate that Jet…grrr…the things that girl..says to me…ME!…and errrrrrr….JET!!!!  
  
Jet: ::Motions over to Sporkle who's glaring at Jet:: What's with that Sporkle?  
  
Zim: Beats me.  
  
Jet: Well where were we? ::Scoots closer to Zim::  
  
Zim: ::Scoots closer to window:: uh…I…don't know…  
  
Jet: I remember now…::reaches hand over to Zim's side::  
  
Zim: SPORKLE!!! SAVE ME!!!! ACK!!!!  
  
Mark: ::Jabs Tom in the side and nods in the direction of the action:: Hey uh…look at that!  
  
Tom: ::Rolls his eyes, shrugs, and looks out the window:: I've seen more interesting things…  
  
Mark: ::Surprised:: Like what? ::raises an eyebrow::  
  
Tom: ::in a jaded tone:: Like that one time in Seattle, when everyone was getting ready for the show, you walked over to the bleachers with your cell phone called up your sister, started masturbating, and pretended that there was a hockey game was going on in the field.  
  
Mark: ::blushes:: shut up  
  
Sporkle: ::Dives over a couple rows of seats and over to Jet…Picks her up and throws her over to travis…he bites off one of her arms::  
  
Jet: Hey! That wasn't very nice!!! That was my squeezin arm! You ate my squeezin arm! Why my squeezing arm?!?!? AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
Travis: ::Shrugs and looks away::  
  
Sporkle: Zim! Are you okay?! Is your squeedly spooch still in tact?  
  
Zim: ::pant pant:: I…don't know. ::pant pant::  
  
Sporkle: ::Gives Zim a hug when…:: Ah! Stupid alien! Playing your mind games with me!!! You sicko!  
  
Zim: Oh my Tallest here we go again…  
  
A/N: If you haven't already noticed Sporkle is schizophrenic… she however…is quite oblivious to the fact that she is a schizo…when she is an irken she is in love with zim… and as an "Earthenoid" she is in love with Dib…sucks for her huh? She also takes on the appearance of the Earth girl "Coat~nay!" when she gets this way…Mind you this is the little girl from the park…not Courtney. Back to the story…  
  
"Coat~naY!": ::Stands up on the seat and kicks Zim in the side…she snickers and goes over to sit next to Dib::  
  
Dib: Great…you again…what's your problem any way?  
  
"Coat~naY!": Beats the moose out of me!…all I know is I like you…I like you very, very much :-D  
  
Dib: ::Rather confused:: Why?  
  
"Coat~naY!": Well you've got pretty eyes, and pretty hair, and a gorgeous smile…I like you! ::Gives Dib a hug::  
  
Dib: Right…  
  
"Coat~naY!": Oh ::hurt:: I see…I'll just go and uh…sit in the middle of the floor and roll around for a bit… ::so she does precisely that.::  
  
Irken girl #1: Hey Rix…that bus slave smells rather rancid don't you think?  
  
Rix: I don't know Nera…he smells rather pretty…  
  
Nera: Well I guess it's just me…IS it JUST ME?!?!? IS IT ME!?!?!?! HUH?  
  
Rix: I guess so…  
  
Nera: Well in that case…RIDE MY MOOSE BUS SLAVE!! Bwahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Bus Slave: Would you two give it up?  
  
::Rix and Nera look at each other::  
  
Together: NO!  
  
Narrator: So as the bus wheels turn and speed off into the sunset, we can only imagine what madness they shall be succumbed to in the chapters to come. So keep your eyes glued to the monitor and await my hideous return!  
  
  
  
A/N: Mind you, this story is winding down to an end. I think I'll have three more chapters and that's about it. Then maybe I'll start something new, or maybe I'll finish secrets in the dark…who knows? Not me… 


End file.
